To oneself. How have you accomplished that?
I’ve spent my life only trying to dedicate myself to someone else. Anyone else.
How else could I escape my own void? My own guilt. My own failures.
By burying into you.
I break my own heart.
Everyday I refuse to step forward, to step up, to GET UP; it is my own self I betray. My own self I let down.
I have not gone far, but I have gone low. I have stayed still and stagnant so long, maybe I could set a record after all.
This isn’t depression. This is comfortable. This is nothing.
This is fear.
Fear to try, to be, to fail. Fear of the process- even though that is always the best part.
Excuses fuel my “inability” to move forward in any direction. Creatively, emotionally, financially.
Disappointment is what I feel. Desire to change is present but being ever so slightly buried deeper and deeper beneath my fear.
We choose what we give power to.
You can see what I give power to.
It is not to myself.