New Depths

To stay level when my heart wants to fly. Challenges presented- one’s that I will conquer. I want not to feed my lows in which case I must also restrict myself from feeding my highs.

Moments come to me in waves and these I choose which weight I give. My desire for level-headedness starts within these emotion filled moments. Within these sparks of hope and joy- I must remember who I am and where this joy is truly coming from. The moments themselves set aside.

This is not to set my joys to be lower than they are, rather to remind myself that regardless of high or low, these moments are forever passing and these emotions are not here to stay. Instead, I seek level and present mindedness so that when these highs and these lows inevitably flow into my life, I am able to feel through them with grace and strength.

Wishing not to let my emotions overwhelm with sorrow or fill with so much joy I feel as if all else will be insignificant, I will journey towards mindfulness in which I strive for awareness of present self, my present place and my present feelings. Knowing and savoring that this all, as tangible and present as it may be, is forever temporary, offering no more sustenance than the cake I ate yesterday. No more value than the moment before it as I am forever moving forward, constantly battling the intangibility of depression and heartache- that’s not who I am.

I am here to remind myself that I am strength. I am love and I am growing into more and more every single day. Everyday forward is another day gained, another life begging to be lived. That is what I am holding inside of me and this is what I will fight to explore.

Lose myself within myself. How am I to learn myself without getting lost? I must explore to what I can’t imagine and there I will learn. Only where I am nothing can I find what I truly am.

Till next time.

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